Real love doesn’t let go

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“If you love somebody, let them go.” Isn’t that how the saying goes? It’s this nonchalant, somewhat lazy attitude that drives people down a loveless path, a life seeking to justify selfish acts. I can’t stress this enough- true love never gives up. It can’t. It’s impossible.

I’m probably one of Nicholas Sparks’ biggest fans. I’ve seen most, if not all of his movies. A tradition I started long ago with my mom. One of my favorite movies he wrote was The Choice. Life is full of little choices that lead us down the lives we live. Every little thing making more of an impact than we realize. Some choices end in benefits lasting a lifetime, others end with consequences hopefully only lasting but a moment. But it’s foolish to believe these simple choices don’t have the potential to reap some of the most life-changing results.

So what is love? 1 Corinthians shows us a snippet of what it is: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends…”

I bolded what I hope to focus on here. The movie The Choice was full of so many truths, little acts revealing how real love reacts, how true love responds. Gabby and Ryan were by the world’s standards the ideal couple. Ryan, a successful, good looking doctor; Gabby, a beautiful woman in medical school. They appear to be in love. They appear perfect for each other. Travis comes into the picture and his feisty, no nonsense demeanor creates tension between Gabby and him like no other. Gabby is conflicted, unsure of who she is meant to be with, who her soul desires. Through a whirlwind of choices, Travis ends up stealing her heart. Who knows if she made the right decision? The choices we are faced with- how do we know who truly loves us and who simply desires us and what we have to offer?

Gabby ends up getting into an accident and is put on life support. What are the chances that Ryan would be the doctor in charge? After months on life support, Ryan presents Travis with Gabby’s odds of surviving. They aren’t good and suggests pulling the plug. I wonder how many times we look for a reason to justify not really loving. Because that’s what it comes down to. At what percentage is it appropriate to give up? Maybe it has nothing to do with being appropriate but everything to do with the amount of love we have for that person.

Ryan presenting logical reasoning of odds to justify a finite decision, Travis looking at his love to say he can’t do it. He can’t pull the plug. And he can’t give up. Love endures. Love hopes. Love never ends. She made the right choice. She woke up. But even if she didn’t, I think this is something we should think about. Maybe this is the question we should all be asking ourselves- How far would you go to keep the hope of love alive?

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photo credit: Riccardo Palazzani – Italy Valentine’s day via photopin (license)

6 reasons why watching ‘The Best of Me’ is the worst thing for you

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So this past weekend I went to see The Best of Me in theaters, opening night. I have always loved Nicholas Sparks’ movies and look forward to the new ones when they come out. However, I think there is a combination between movie morals declining and my spiritual maturity rising happening today. I felt like this movie was a cheapened version of The Notebook. There were so many similarities I noticed, yet different circumstances. Do not continue reading if you plan to watch the film and don’t want any spoilers. Read afterwards:)

For those who don’t plan to see it or want a brief overview before I get into my reasons, the following will be a quick summary. Dawson, the main male character, grew up in a rough environment where his dad beat him. He meets Amanda while in high school. Amanda is a pretty, popular, rich girl who becomes interested in Dawson. Of course, Dawson does not think he is good enough for her. Dawson ends up leaving his dad’s house, while an older gentleman (widow) named Tuck takes him and treats him like his own son. Through a series of events, Dawson and Amanda end up dating. On the day of prom, Dawson’s dad goes to Tuck’s house and beats him up. When Dawson realizes this, he goes over to his dad’s with a shotgun in order to scare his dad; Dawson was clearly upset by what his dad did to Tuck. During this time, Dawson’s best friend, Bobby, ends up getting shot on accident and dying. Dawson is sentenced to jail for 8 years and would not let Amanda see him because he did not want to interfere with her plans she had. She tried for a year to see him before giving up. She ended up going off to college, getting pregnant, marrying the father and staying married for 20 years to him. Tuck’s death is what brings Dawson and Amanda together and their love is rekindled, 20 or 21 years later- Dawson says 21 years, Amanda says 20 so who knows who is right lol. That’s not the whole story but it will suffice. Most love stories go the same and ignite something in us, at least with us girls- desires to be loved, adored, wanted, and needed. I do think love like this exists, it just fails to show all of the hurt and heartbreak that goes along with it when bad choices are made. Well some of the heartbreak is shown.

  1. Sex outside of marriage- pt. 1: Amanda and Dawson chose to have sex outside of marriage while they were dating in high school. Sex is such a beautiful gift and while they deeply cared for each other, they should have waited until they were married. God tells us to wait for marriage for a reason; He is not trying to withhold something great from us but wanting us to hold out for something better- more intimate, more sacred, more fulfilling. Guard your heart- and your body- save it for your spouse. Your spouse deserves all of you and will appreciate it. Are they worth it? Do you trust God?
  2. Sex outside of marriage- pt. 2: Amanda and her current husband in the story end up having sex while in college, she gets pregnant, and then they get married. Once you have sex, it’s hard to stop for multiple reasons. It’s clear Amanda continued and ended up getting pregnant and married to a guy she didn’t really love. She probably made the best choice she could given her situation. But her situation wasn’t ideal. Don’t settle. She was left in an empty loveless marriage which pushed her closer to what happened later when she saw Dawson again.
  3. Sex outside of marriage- pt 3: When Amanda and Dawson reconnected after 20 years, they end up having sex again. Amanda is still married to her current husband. Yet, because we know she isn’t happy in her marriage and we know how much Dawson loves her, we are happy she is having an affair! Do you all see how damaging this is to our minds?! To our souls?! It’s heartbreaking. She missed her chance at true love 20 years ago because she ended up doing things she shouldn’t have. She settled. It’s not to judge her but there are consequences when we try to do things on our own and disobey God. God’s plans for us are so much greater and sometimes we end up having to learn this the hard way.
  4. Anger/killing- When Dawson saw how hurt Tuck was, he was full of anger. He grabs a shotgun and heads over to his dad’s house. Now there is such thing as righteous anger and it would worry me if it didn’t bother him. But we must always keep that anger in check. Who is in control? Because at that time, Dawson wasn’t and unfortunately he ended up having to deal with killing his best friend accidentally. Simply because he couldn’t control his emotions.
  5. Divorce- After having an affair with Dawson, Amanda remembers how much she loves him. She admits how miserable she is in her marriage. We are proud of her when she finally has the courage to get a divorce. Divorce is not good but there are mixed emotions here. She would have never been in this situation had she not engaged in activities she shouldn’t have. Again, life happens and we are not perfect but I just want to encourage people to make the right choices now- to save you from all of this heartbreak that happens in the world today. Potentially a lifetime of pain.
  6. Marriage lasts beyond this lifetime- When Amanda asks how long Tuck and his wife were married before she passed away, Tuck responded with “We are still married, just on different schedules.” You could not help but aww and cry over this. I do hope one day I find a man that loves me as much as that. However, we can’t let that thought control us. It is possible to have that kind of love but we will not be married in heaven. There is no danger in having that deep of love, but the danger comes when we seek that above Christ.

I am one of the hugest fans of chick flicks. However, we need to be able to discern fantasy from reality and not mix the two. We are constantly being programmed so it’s imperative that we stick to our morals and values and not fall into the trap of compromising because it seemed so right in the movies. Sounds silly when I write it but I have seen it happen over and over again. The truth is, God already started your love story when He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross for you. I pray you feel that love stronger than you ever have before and it gives you the strength you need to walk away from the world’s idea of a love story, and follow His.

-the virgin heartbreaker

photo credit: ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser via photopin cc