How you attract him is how you’ll have to keep him

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It’s really hard sometimes. Scrolling through pictures on my Instagram, watching beautiful girls, dressed provocatively and the multiple likes by guys. And the thoughts run wild through my mind…

“Maybe if I would dress differently he’d like my posts too”
“Maybe if I posed more sexy-like, rather than cute-like I’ll get more attention”

Mind full of ‘what-ifs’ and insecurities.

This is what guys like. It appeals to fleshly desires, I get it. But that’s not the type of guy I’m looking for. And I have to stop and remind myself that. I’m not looking for the guy that gives into those temptations. I’m looking for a guy that’s strong enough to say no, when his flesh is saying yes. Because he knows deep down something isn’t right.

A guy that knows that’s not what he’s really looking for…
Me knowing that’s not the attention I truly desire…

The way I attract him, is the way I’ll need to keep him. I don’t want to attract a guy to me simply based on my looks- that’s not who I am. It’s not even close to who I am. And truthfully, girls, that’s not how you wish to attract a guy either. But I think we are left thinking that’s our only option sometimes. We believe the lie that he’ll choose that other girl over us. The one that poses for pictures a little differently, the one that shows a little more skin, the one that will be a little more physical…

But if that’s what he chooses, he’s not the one we’re looking for. He’s not the one we truly desire. And he’s not the one that’ll be able to love us with Christ-like love.

The right guy, you know what he’s looking at? You know what he’s waiting for? He looks beyond the things that won’t last. He looks beyond the things you didn’t have much control over. He’s watching your character. He’s observing how you make decisions. He’s viewing how you treat other people. He’s seeing what breaks your heart and what dreams you’re chasing. He looks at that heart of yours. He sees whether you’re pursuing worldly pleasures or eternal treasures.

That is how I want to attract my future husband because those are the things that define me. Those are the things that’ll never change.

There are guys out there like this. And they are the guys worth waiting for.

 How are you attracting the men in your life?

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photo credit: Ploc666 Plaisir solitaire via photopin (license)

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You don’t want their life

I hate it when we fight. Jonathan just turns away and pretends I don't exist.

So stop. Whoever’s life you keep looking at, stop looking. I promise you don’t really want their life. I’d like to blame social media, but we’ve had these issues long before social media existed. Look at their house, they have a maid, do they cook better, does their husband have a more successful job… I could go on and on. We question and wonder, why does it seem like the evil prospers while I keep struggling? What am I doing wrong?The problem is we think we know someone else’s life when we really don’t.

I remember going out with this guy a couple times. They were fine dates but nothing special. He ended up going back to his ex. And it looks like they have the perfect relationship. Perfect marriage. Both have successful careers and they are always posting pictures of their exciting memories. But few people know he broke it off and dated other girls. Even fewer people know he’d drink a little too much at times and complain about how he is not happy in his relationship and doesn’t really love her. These are the things we don’t see…

Another couple I know. Gorgeous photo shoots all the time. Lots of money. New adventures almost every month. Posting pictures of how in love they are. But there’s one thing few people know. She desperately wants to have kids. He doesn’t. She thought he’d’ come around but he hasn’t. It’s been several years. He’s getting older and isn’t changing his mind. You would never guess looking at them. She cries herself to sleep every night…

There’s another couple I know. The guy seems to adore her, worship the ground she walks on. Buys her whatever she wants. And I start to wonder if I could have a man shower me with perfect gifts. But there are strings attached. He has anger issues. There are certain people he’d rather her not be around. There are certain things she can and cannot do. As long as she follows his lead, his commands, they are great. But if she doesn’t…

These are just three situations I happen to know. What about the people I don’t know on that deep of a level? We don’t always get to see their full story. We don’t get to see the bad stuff. It’s too vulnerable. And we want to believe our lives are better than they really are sometimes. We imagine others have this perfect life in our head and then began to compare our imperfect lives to it. We try to make our lives appear better on the outside while an internal struggle begins on the inside. This is how we see the world today. So many lies that lead into even more lives.

Maybe we can’t force others to be honest but we choose to be honest with ourselves. We may never know their life. But you know who does? God. And He knows our lives too and just what we need, just what we want. Amazing things happen when we start to look away from the façade we see from others and begin to look above to the One who gave us life to begin with.

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photo credit: Ed Yourdon I hate it when we fight. Jonathan just turns away and pretends I don’t exist. via photopin (license)