No Guys in 2018: The Beauty in the Break-up- Week Six

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This past week I was a part of a pretty cool award ceremony in my community that recognizes 4 leaders who are under the age of 40. After over 75 nominees, I was selected as one of the 12 finalists. Being a finalist was an incredible experience, especially going through it with my best friend as a finalist, as well. I didn’t end up winning one of the four spots. It’s tempting to feel inadequate, not enough, or disappointed. Because you saw something that was a possibility but others received it instead. It’s in those moments that I realize perspective is one of the biggest keys to happiness. Instead of looking at what we have, we oftentimes look at what we lack instead. It would be easy to forget the beauty and honor of being a finalist if I was only looking at the four winners. And unfortunately I think we do this in the dating world, as well.

Do we value our past relationships?
Do we value the love we gave or received?
Do we value the beauty in the break-up?

When we look at our lives, our lives as singles, do we see the hidden blessings God has given us? I fear sometimes we see the married, happy couples instead. The ones dating. The ones just getting engaged. And the married ones announcing another baby is on the way. And we look at these lives and wonder, “why not me?”

But I pray you look at life so differently. I pray you look back at the relationships you’ve had and appreciate the love you’ve experienced. And if you’ve never experienced being in love, maybe you’re meant to experience that beautiful feeling with only your future spouse. Maybe God is guarding your heart. Protecting it.

If you’re going through a break-up. A hard break-up. Someone you thought you’d marry. I pray you’ll see sooner than later how God has something so incredibly better planned for your life. Because while you might not see it now, I know you will. Instead of God keeping something from you maybe He is preparing you for something so much better. Do you trust Him? Like seriously, do you? Because if you do, you’ll know this hurt is but a fleeting moment. That this pain is not without purpose. God is molding you into the beautiful creature He created you to be.

We are so tempted to look at our lives and question the heartbreak, the loneliness, the timing instead of seeing the freedom, the possibilities, and the steps God has laid before us. Just waiting for us to take. For us to trust in His goodness, His love.

Take those steps. And most importantly, look at those steps and see the beauty of the life laid before you.

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photo credit: Mike Kniec Peloton via photopin (license)

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The time you gave up on us

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“I’m done.” I’m pretty sure I’ll never forget these two little words. It’s amazing how six letters can cut so deep. I don’t think I’ve ever said these words to someone before and I don’t think I ever could. There’s just something so finite about it- not to mention the pain they cause.

I remember you telling me the one thing your ex said to you you’ve always remembered. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” The time you needed her most, she was giving up. And it hurt you so. Years later. To this day you still remember it so vividly. Yet, here you are- in the same situation. But it’s me you are hurting this time. Does it feel better being on that end? With tears streaming down my face as I write this, I can still say confidently that I don’t think it’s better on that end. Because at the end of the day, I get to say I tried. I get to say I never gave up. I was willing to try. I was willing to fight but I don’t have to carry this burden anymore.

“I’m done.” Two such painful words that give me the power and strength to move on. To know I’m not missing out or losing anything. Because you see, the guy for me won’t ever give up. He will fight. Not for me but for us. He will pursue. He will hold on in the worst of times. Because that’s me and that’s what I would do. That’s what I’ve always done.

I think one of the most beautiful things about marriage and relationships is how they are just a small glimpse of how God loves us and chases us and never gives up on us. Our relationship could never be that.

I realize now you never really saw me. You just saw what I could do for you. Because you don’t treat people you love this way. You just can’t. You wondered why it was so hard for me to open up to you and trust. Do you understand why now? You may have heard me but you never listened. It was always my fault. I was never good enough. You always thanked me for being such a great encourager and supporter yet I could never say the same about you. Shoot, a few hours before saying you were done you thanked me. Do guys really expect women to follow and trust them when you treat them this way? You did. Ladies will only follow a guy if the guy has their best interest at heart. That’s biblical. Why do we forget it’s a two way street?

But I trusted you from the get go. And you also broke that trust from the get go. I never gave up though. Maybe it was my fault for thinking we could work through it. Maybe I was naïve in thinking I could learn to trust you again. It’s a process but that doesn’t stop us from growing impatient. My gut knew there was something wrong. Why does it take so long for my actions to catch up with my gut? This is definitely not what I want. I was still willing to try. But here you go, breaking the trust yet again. I don’t understand how people think it’s okay to treat others this way. We are set way too far back now so maybe it’s a good thing you’re done. Even though I know you aren’t really. But we are done. And that’s on you, not me.

photo credit: The Panda And the Bear – 11 via photopin (license)