Tag Archives: bad date

My ex just married his ex

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So I was scrolling through my newsfeed the other day and I noticed that my ex –boyfriend just married his ex-girlfriend. Yep, you heard me right. A flood of thoughts immediately ran through my mind as I recalled everything he had told me while we were dating. Another example of when I trusted a guy over my gut. Never trust a guy over your gut. Always trust your gut instincts. They are there for a reason.

It’s kind of weird and I’m not really sure if there is a “right” feeling. Our relationship was never that serious, mainly because it was never given the chance to be that way. Looking back, it was just another relationship God protected me from in spite of my naïve ways. While I hate to admit this, I spent more time trying to figure out why he didn’t like me rather than seeing if I even liked him. I didn’t. But what mattered at the time was my vanity and ego. I hate when I get like that. If anything now, I feel bad for his wife. And I feel bad for him.

Mark and I first met at a wedding. We had a lot of mutual friends in common and he actually knew my date (I was my friend’s date- strictly platonic mind you;-). We talked a little and he seemed cool. A little shy and quirky which depending on the guy, I either find annoying or cute- your guess is as good as mine. Good luck. After the wedding, Mark and I would run into each other at random times. It’s one of the perks of living in a small town. We would flirt and it was fun. Mainly innocent as I really didn’t know much about him. But he intrigued me. He was unpredictably predictable and I liked that about him. He was a very structured, responsible guy and then he would also do something to throw me off. I guess I tend to be the same way so I appreciated it. It kept things exciting. One of the times we ran into each other, he just randomly asked me what I was doing and suggested we go get some food and drinks. Right then and there. I’m not sure if I had anything going on or not but I told him I was down. I like to try and act laid back even if I’m not- fake it until you make it right? I’m so awkward sometimes haha.

He was such a gentleman. Old fashioned and chivalrous. Sigh, my weakness. I got up to use the restroom and when I came back he had already paid the bill. I don’t care how much a feminist you are, I’ve yet to meet a girl who doesn’t like to be taken care of even if she can take care of herself. Plus it’s easier for me to respect a guy who can take charge and get stuff done. If you can handle me, you’re a rarity;-).

We went out a few more times and would text. Nothing too heavy, not too light. Well, maybe too light as I look back on it. I normally don’t post about my dates on Facebook but we were going to a concert that I was super excited about and of course I wanted to brag. This was what got me in trouble and this was also what saved me. I updated my status and tagged him in it. Is that wrong to do? Apparently. Actually not really. He seemed fine with it at the time but then he started to pull away some. This always bothers me- communicate people! Maybe this is a fault of mine- I don’t know but I wanted to know what happened. I wanted some answers. So I pushed.

I just looked through our old messages and I must say I am the epitome of John Mayer’s lyric “it’s better to say too much than to never say what you need to say.” Story.of.my.life. I wonder what I am thinking sometimes when I send messages. No, I know what I’m thinking- I’m thinking exactly what I write and that’s what gets me in trouble sometimes. Mark was being evasive and I wanted to know why. I had suspicions that he had a girlfriend but he had told me he didn’t. I always trust people until they give me a reason not to and even though I’ve been burned by this numerous times, I still think it’s a good principle to live by. The right one will deserve my trust and I don’t want to give him anything less.

Mark and I did end up meeting again but I never got the answers I was looking for. He shied away from my direct questions but I already knew even if I didn’t want to face it at the time. The girl Mark had been seeing prior to us dating starting posting stuff of the two of them. I would notice him on my newsfeed every now and then as their relationship progressed to “FBO”, to engaged, to now married. Mark and I would talk off and on via text and still ran into each other. I’d try to ask nonchalant questions about his relationship but those were the only questions he avoided. Part of me just wanted him to admit it but he didn’t until he got engaged. I sent him a text saying congratulations and asked if it was to the girl he had dated prior to me. He said it was. Finally. He knew. And I knew but at that time I didn’t really care anymore. I’m really proud of myself sometimes. I’ve been treated pretty badly but I always still love the person for some reason. You can’t make yourself love- you either have it or you don’t. I don’t allow myself to be taken advantage of but I was there for him when his dad wasn’t doing well, when he needed advice on certain things, and needed help professionally. I was always there and I really didn’t care. I was happy to help, to make a difference, and show him what love was. It makes me think of that scripture:

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” -Luke 6:32-36

And you know what boggles my mind the most? After all of this, the two things I don’t understand and probably never will is why he went back to her and why she accepted him back. Mutual friends once told me how he had talked about her and how he didn’t love her but it was just comfortable and easy for him. Why would you marry someone you don’t love? And her- why do girls go back to a guy if they have already been rejected? One of the best things about being in a relationship is being loved. If you don’t want me, you are no longer attractive to me- does that make sense or am I the only one that thinks this way? The last thing I want to do is convince someone to be with me. I do wish them the best. I hope they both fall madly in love with each other. I hope they grow to be more than partners and a good arrangement. There is so much more depth to a relationship I desire and I know I won’t settle until I find it even if it’s not important to the rest of the world.

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photo credit: Picture Me Married Photography – Ashley Palmero – Ring Shot via photopin (license)

My best worst date ever

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I’m not sure why I’m starting out the new year with this type of post but here goes lol. I have had some pretty interesting dates over my manyyy years of dating- okay okay, I’m not that old people! But they were talking about worst dates on the radio the other day and I was talking to some of my friends on Facebook about our experiences and there are some weird stories out there! Mine was not that bad. Okay, maybe it was. Here it is, in three parts. Yes, three.

The first date:
I still remember talking to a couple of my girlfriends about all of our current guy situations. Yep, it’s true- guys dominate a lot of our conversations. One of my friends had recently went out with this guy and was telling us all about her “fun” experience. She described this guy as maybe too religious and then thought of me. I’m not sure if I should have been offended by that or not lol. Even though her date was bad, I was single and thought why not give him a try. At the very least I’d have a good story and boy do I. Standards, Sarah, standards.

Nick and I decided to meet at a central location to both of us at a local bookstore. We met around 7 and would decide what to do from there. From the minute Nick and I met, he wanted to know what our mutual friends had said about him (as in my friend that went out with him.) I’m typically a pretty patient person when it comes to that, but I finally had to tell him to stop caring about what other people think about him. It was so annoying to say the least. But it gets better. He asked what we should do. Sidenote- I like a guy that plans and comes up with ideas so I might have already started thinking less of him and judging at this point. My bad. I suggested we go eat because it’s dinnertime and I’m starving. Nope, he just ate. Wow, thanks. I suggest the mall, which was right across the street. Nope, too many people. Alright. I suggest the beach and pier, which was about 10 minutes away. Nope, too far. At this point I was already giving up. He suggested the park that was right across the street. I said fine but I was going to drive through Steak n’ Shake first because I was starving and meet him there. I did- with a burger, fries, and milkshake in hand. We talked. I ate. It was okay. Mostly dull. Mostly about him. It was fascinating. I didn’t know there were people out there who were really this self-absorbed. We got kicked out of the park because they were closing and went across the street to another park and continued to walk and talk. We did have some good conversation and he is a nice guy, there was just nothing there. I didn’t think we’d go out again but we did. You could say I’m a glutton for punishment.

Date two:
So you’re probably wondering why in the world I would go out with Nick again. Yea, I still don’t know either. We would text on and off after our first date and we had made a silly bet over politics and he won. Loser was supposed to take the other to dinner. We agreed on a place to go which was his idea- central location yet again. While walking up to the restaurant, he asked me if the place was good. I told him that I didn’t know because I had never been there. He then proceeded to ask me why I picked the place and I told him that I didn’t. He said I did. We argued in the parking lot about this. Real mature, I know. Turns out I was right and he misread my text. He still owes me a movie for being wrong. Since we were at an outdoor mall with several restaurants around, we decided to walk somewhere else. On our walk, he told me not to worry, that he would pay for his half of the check. Uhh thanks? Maybe I’m a little old fashioned but seriously. Am I wrong for thinking he should have still paid? Maybe I’m spoiled. I don’t know. I wish I could say it got better.

We went to a pizza place and both got water. He asked if I wanted to share a pizza and I said sure. He wanted to know what I wanted on it and I told him I didn’t care- whatever he wanted was fine. I just wanted garlic knots. We ate and we fought. Maybe it was my fault because I love talking about taboo topics such as religion, politics, and sex. He zoned out once during dinner and told me how he felt bad for fat people. That was weird. One time he told me not to interrupt him and let him finish talking. Wow. And just so we are clear, I am a pretty passionate person, but always respectful so that definitely blind-sided me.

Dinner was great- as in the food. We had to get a to go box for the rest of the pizza; I actually only ate one slice because I filled up on garlic knots. I took two additional slices to go and Nick took a total of five. I’m mentioning this for a reason. When the check came, Nick looked at it for awhile and then asked how we should split it. Mind you, there are only two items on it- our pizza and the garlic knots (which he ate too). I knew what he was thinking- he didn’t want to pay for the garlic knots since I ordered them. His face said it all. I said we could split it down the middle. He paused for a second and then agreed. Such a charmer.

We ended up walking around to different shops- he needed a beanie. This guy is so vain. He is good looking but oh my gosh, he thinks he is the best thing since slice bread. We go into Old Navy and see a family taking photos with the mannequins and I could tell he wanted one but was kind of shy. I offered to take it for him. Most people would take a picture with each other; my date wanted one with a mannequin. He then tried on several beanies and asked me how each one looked. They all look the same! Ahh. He finally decides and we continue to walk. I did want to stop into Claire’s for a second to see if they had any phone cases, don’t judge me. We were in the store for no more than a minute when I noticed Nick wasn’t in the store anymore. I go to look for him and he is outside wandering. I asked him what he was doing and he thought I said I was ready to go. Wow. Okay then.

We end up walking back to our trucks and I hug him, say thanks, and tell him I had a good time. As I start walking back to my truck he made a big mistake; he asks me if I meant that. Did I really have a good time? He shouldn’t have asked that. I had to be honest. We end up talking for over an hour in the parking lot. It was actually the best part of all of our interactions. We got to talk about some pretty deep stuff. Long story short, I just didn’t think he was ready to date yet. Obviously I care about him and this was all in good fun. I never have met someone I didn’t care about. And not everyone we go out with is going to be the person we marry. That’s okay. To quote Madea- some people come into your life for a lifetime, others for a season. For whatever reason, Nick and I met.

Third times a charm:
Nick contacted me not too long ago and we decided we should catch up. We met at a restaurant and he actually paid for my food and drink with no hesitation. Maybe my talk with him actually did work;-) But he’s moved on- to cougars and pretty women. I love catching up with him and I’d like to think we’ll always be friends. Maybe not after he reads this post though. Oops!

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