What are your demons?

42571711112_46409c95f9

Whatever it is that tempts us, whatever it is we struggle with, it’s there for a reason. What pulls at you the most? What is it that puts you in conflict- that has you questioning God?

It’s easy to say you’re good, if you never have the opportunity to be bad- to choose what’s right over what you want, over how you feel. No, good is choosing what is right no matter the perceived cost. The problem is most of us make our decisions based on our vested interest and selfishness is easy to hide. So how can we judge?

While our demons may not be the same, we all experience them in some form or fashion. How we deal with them, how we choose to handle them is what sets us apart. I went through the bulk of my temptations in junior high and high school. It was a war. A war many people, unfortunately, choose not to fight. They surrender. They give in. And most of the time, people on the outside never know the difference- never know the choice you made. Yet, we remember distinctly if we’re willing to face it.

There are times we pray for the temptation to go away rather than for the strength to overcome. And when the temptations linger, we question God, we question ourselves. But I think there’s a reason God doesn’t allow those temptations to go away so easily. If they go away, nothing changes within. The temptation may be gone but we are still left weak. In bondage. But what if instead we chose to take action. Fight. Sometimes God wants to show us we aren’t as weak as we think we are. Not when we have Him. That we are capable of choosing what is right even when it is the hardest. Isn’t that when our true character shows?

This is what I love about my no guys in 2018 challenge. I remember hearing a sermon years ago about a girl who gave up dating for 6 months. I was shocked. I literally said, “ I would never do that. That’s stupid. What happens if you meet your husband during that period?!” I don’t think I was spiritually mature enough at that point to understand the pureness of a heart like that.

For so many years I thought a guy could fill holes in me that God couldn’t. I wanted God AND a husband. I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew what would make me happy. God has slowly but surely been teaching me a new type of peace. I want God and that’s all. Not because I don’t want a husband, rather I want what God has for me more.

I feel what I always knew.

God wanted me to choose Him. Not when it was easy, not when it was comfortable. But when it was hard. Even when my feelings pulled me in a different direction, He wanted to know if I thought He was worth it. If I truly trusted Him as much as I had claimed.

I think I needed to know too.

How easy it is to trust Him when things are going well. How hard it is when things are not. We face these tests everyday. Tests that reveal to us who we really are.

So who are you?

signature

photo credit: emiel bleidd Defeating Demons via photopin (license)

Advertisements

Bachelor updates- Reaping What You Sow (Week Two)

33853041674_3e2310b991

21 Guys going into this week and some of the real stuff is starting to show. The stuff behind the glitz and the glam. The stuff that may happen when cameras are gone. Emotions that cause pain and hurt. Uncertainty.

It was interesting to listen to the guys at the beginning and hear Blake comment, “one of you guys are going to get married.” Kinda shows where his head is at, at this point. The whole thoughts become words and words become actions sort of thing. Ironically enough, he was the only one chosen for a one-on-one date and the first one to get that privilege. Becca seems to really like Blake. He just makes sense given his recent heartbreak from someone he thought was ‘the one,’ as well. From my experience, it’s really difficult for guys to get over their exes, typically one specific ex. While he says he is ready to commit and fall again, and though he may want to, I still don’t think he is ready. However, I do believe the right person can change that.

8 guys went on the first date- Clay, Nick, Chris, David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln. Jean Blanc ended up getting the rose. I have no idea why. Lincoln won the challenge. Connor came in second. Neither of them should have gotten the rose either. Lincoln is just too much and sneaky in my opinion. He knew why Connor got upset. But acted like he didn’t know why to Becca. I’m still on the fence on how I feel about Connor’s reaction of anger because of Lincoln’s antagonizing ways. You want a man who gets angry at the right things and is still able to remain in control. However, I do like the way he redeemed himself later by having a picture of himself for Becca to throw and get rid of- symbolizing the fact that that person isn’t him. Who writes this stuff?!

10 guys go on the last date Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon (pretty sure I thought his name was different in my last post), Trent, Leo, Wills, and Colton. They go play dodgeball and I just want to say I was super impressed by Leo. Anyone else? He is clearly too good for this show and I’m loving it. I also surprisingly liked Garrett this time. I really enjoyed how much Wills loves his family which is probably why he got the rose.

And then Colton’s big announcement- I thought it was about him being a virgin, yet it was about a weekend getaway with one of Becca’s friends. Hmm.. They had a spark but it wasn’t the right time to grow the flame- whatever that means. Umm maybe because he wanted to go on TV!! He said he wouldn’t have come on the show if those feelings were stronger so was he just basically using her. Hopefully we will find out tonight.

Becca Connor’s anger outburst and Colton’s past dating decisions, a lot of uncertainty is creeping into these “relationships.” While a lot of this show is probably fake, emotions are very real- whether we want to acknowledge them or not. This is why it is so important to be intentional with your choices. Neither guy could justify their actions because there is no right way to to say it. Bad decisions.

Jordan’s faces crack me up and keep me laughing. A mini Jordy?  LOL. I’m still liking David. He’s either going to be really cool or super weird. There is no in between.

Ironically enough, the two that had no date this week- Jason and Mike stayed, along with Blake, Jean Blanc, and Wills had the roses from the dates. Chris, John, Clay, Connor, Leo, David, Garrett. Nick, Ryan (so cute), Christon, Jordan, Lincoln, Colton were the others that received roses.

Three from the second groupd date left: Trent, Alex (weird crying), Rickey. That crying was just awkward. But sad at the same time. This is why you have to guard your hearts. This may be why people say I’m too guarded also haha.

I’m honestly wondering how some of these guys are staying but maybe they are better than the ones she let go. This is probably why I couldn’t be The Bachelorette. I would probably say bye to everyone but like 5 after the first night!

18 tonight, let’s see what happens.

signature

photo credit: gusdiaz Red is the first color of spring. via photopin (license)

Thoughts on the 28 Bachelorette contestants including the seven she sent home and my personal favorite

33853041674_3e2310b991

I have a love/hate relationship with this show. I will probably write another blog post on the pros and cons of this type of dating scenario, although some would argue there are only cons. But if I were the Bachelorette, here is my assessment of the 28 guys who made it to the show. You may want to grab some popcorn…

Let’s start with the seven she sent home:

  1. Jake– I would have sent him home too. The fact that he doesn’t remember meeting Becca other times shows a lot. A girl wants to feel special, pursued. If you don’t even really remember meeting me, not to mention the fact that you didn’t even show a little interest before, why all the sudden would you think now would be a good time to act on those non-feelings? Oh, to win, duh.
  2. Joe– I feel like a lot of people liked Joe but I didn’t and I’m glad she sent him home. He seems like a fun guy but does not mesh well with Becca at all romantically. I could see him being with someone like Tia though.
  3. Kamil– Okay, I would have sent him home once he spoke his first words. Telling Becca to “come here.” Umm what? Relationships are 50/50 so come to me. If you are already starting off by telling me what to do, bye. Besides, I feel like relationships are 100/100- it’s not healthy to keep track like that, in my opinion.
  4. Chase– Chase is a prime example of reaping what you sow unfortunately. Part of me wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I just wasn’t a fan of the way he handled the situation. In that situation, you are trying to get to know someone’s character in a very short amount of time. That whole situation just didn’t help his case and I probably would have let him go too.
  5. Christian– I honestly don’t remember too much about this Christian. So I’m okay with him being let go.
  6. Darius– I don’t remember anything about this guy. Guess I won’t get to know anymore about him either.
  7. Grant– I was surprised she let Grant go over some of the other ones she let stay. I didn’t see him lasting long but definitely would have let him stay over some of the others.

Here are the 21 she decided to keep:

  1. Garrett– Okay, I see why Becca likes him and why she gave him the first impression rose. I like his adventuress side but that’s about it so far. He seems to live in the moment a little too much for me now but he may be a perfect match for Becca. I could see him fitting in well with her and her family.
  2. Colton– I can’t see him being with Becca because he belongs with me! Just kidding, but seriously, Colton is my favorite by far. You all know him mentioning he is still a virgin sealed the deal for me. Though I’m not a fan of his quote of not necessarily waiting for marriage but waiting for the right person. I may or may not have sent him a DM on IG encouraging him to stay strong and wait for marriage.
  3. Alex– He’s cute. Unfortunately, that is all I remember from him. I want to say he was a little awkward too but who isn’t sometimes?!
  4. Blake– While listening to Blake tell his story, I was like bye. But Becca said she felt like she connected with him. To me, it seems like he isn’t over his ex yet and it’s not wise to jump into another relationship so quickly, in my opinion. I probably would have let him go.
  5. Chris– I appreciate Chris telling Becca about Chase. But it was still kind of weird. Just hoping he did it for the right reasons. Don’t see him with Becca in the long run.
  6. Christian– Okay, Mr. Harlem Globetrotter. He was one of my favorites. Just a fun guy and lots of energy. Can’t wait to see more from him.
  7. Clay– There are several things I like about Clay. I love that he’s a professional football player, which shows hard work and determination. I love that he seems super close with his family. The only thing I don’t like is that he seems a little quiet and not silly enough for my liking.
  8. Connor– I was a little on the fence with him but I’m leaning toward liking him I think. I want to see more. And he’s super cute.
  9. David– Pretty sure David was the one in the chicken suit. And if so, I think he might be my second favorite. Kudos to anyone who’s willing to be silly and make the most of this short life we’ve been given. I’d take a guy in a chicken suit over a guy that’s too-cool-for-school any day. He’s also pretty good looking which makes it even better. It’s so funny how the guys were offended by getting sent home over a guy in a chicken suit. If you really want to know how that’s makes perfect sense, I’d be happy to tell you:)
  10. Jason– I really don’t remember anything about this guy. Nothing.
  11. Jean Blanc– No. A cologne collector. What?! Bye.
  12. John– Didn’t this guy say he made the venmo app? Umm I’m sure this guy is super smart, which is attractive, but I have a feeling he’s a little too arrogant for my liking.
  13. Jordan– Definitely one of my favorites! Not to ever date but just to make fun of! He cracks me up. I did write him on IG too and he responded. I basically told him it’s going to be hard to find someone to love him as much as he loves himself;)
  14. Leo– That hair! Leo definitely does his own thing, which is so cool. But I have no idea what he is doing on the show. Someone must have applied for him. This is not his thing at all which I must say is very attractive.
  15. Lincoln– Lincoln is just a cool guy. Loved hearing part of his story and culture. I also love his name. He’ll be interesting to learn more about.
  16. Mike– I don’t know what to think about Mike yet. That long hair. Sometimes it looks great, other times not. I’m leaning more toward not liking him but we’ll see.
  17. Nick– I feel like Nick and Jordan would be best friends. Although, I am loving all of the Florida guys on this season. Represent! Jordan’s into himself because of his looks; Nick is into himself because of his looks and having a law degree.
  18. Rickey– Don’t remember too much about him but he is cute and seems like a sweet guy.
  19. Ryan– Okay, Ryan is definitely quirky which I like but it may be just a little too much. On the fence with him at this point. It’s hard to find the right balance of confidence and humbleness I think sometimes.
  20. Trent– Trent looks like a very nice, low key guy. I want to see more of him.
  21. Willis– I didn’t see enough of Willis. We’ll see what new thoughts I’ll have once I see him more.

Let me know your opinions in the comments below. Tell me not to watch the show. Tell me it’s all fake. Tell me who you like the best!

signature

photo credit: gusdiaz Red is the first color of spring. via photopin (license)