This past week was full of work, meetings, fun, and games. However, in the mix of that was some pretty tough times, as well. But I have to press on. I have to move forward. Sometimes we have to choose to look at the good and not dwell on the bad.
My spiritual time is still not what I would like. I hate to say this but I have not gone to church at all this year. So this entire month I missed church. I’m 0/4 for Sundays this year. I think sometimes we can almost be too hard on ourselves. While I haven’t gone to church, I have been there for my family and other things that have been going on in our lives. It’s important to not get so caught up in going to church that we neglect the ones who need us most, the ones we love. So while I wish I could have gone to church, I’m still happy with the decisions I’ve made. I think God is too. He cares more about the love in our hearts than he does perfect church attendance.
I’ve had several community events and a VIP reception for an award I’m a finalist for. Sometimes events can be hard. Just emotionally draining. But they are also very rewarding. Most of the guys at the reception were married so no potential guys there for me to get distracted with but there were other opportunities this week…
It’s rare that I do things “just for fun.” Most of the times, I’m combining events and social activities, school and work. But this week I went line dancing with a friend and attended a game day. Like board games. And it was so much fun.
Game day was great. Two married couples. A single guy and me. Perfect. I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a setup. But when you’re in that setting, it’s hard for the thought not to cross your mind. Especially when he’s cute. Blah. No guys. Pretty sure we will all end up playing games again and we are Facebook friends now so I probably shouldn’t write much more… What’s important to note here is the fact that I won a good amount of the games. Competitive would be an understatement:p
Line dancing was my other favorite thing this week. My friend Jaime and I had so much fun learning dances, catching up, and just relaxing. We are both so driven that it was a nice break from our rather hectic schedules. Although, we met the owner and a couple other people so our networking doesn’t seem to stop even when we try. While we were eating, two girls came over to tell me that their friend thought I was pretty. I asked who and they pointed to a guy on the other side of the room. I couldn’t help but laugh. It was the guy that wanted to be in my selfie I was trying to take of the dance floor. The girls mentioned that and said he couldn’t stop talking about me since that incident. I told them that was nice but that I was kind of taking a break from dating. I’m not gonna lie- that was hard. For two reasons. One, I hate rejecting people because I never want people to feel less than. It is so hard for me. I just know so many people struggle with self-esteem issues and I never want to unintentionally cause more pain to anyone. To make them feel like they aren’t worthy. Which leads me to my second reason, what if they are “the one” and I was too quick to judge? Who should I give chances to? Am I supposed to engage with everyone? I guess I’ve reached a point where I’m not sure I trust myself. I’ve been wrong so many times before. So maybe I’m going on the other end of the spectrum to protect myself. But what if he was “the one” and now I just said no? Chances are he wasn’t but now I’m left giving everyone a shot or second guessing myself. Both options don’t seem right. Maybe I’ll figure it out but for now I just have to move forward. And trust God more than I trust myself. My answer will be clear. Of that I am confident.