Why I am now 32, single, and still a virgin

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My 32nd birthday was this past week. And I realized I have so much to be grateful for. While I spent it sick in bed, in a weird way it made me appreciate my health and all the times I take for granted being well and feeling great.

So according to my childhood self, does my life look the way I thought it would at 32? Not.at.all. Society almost dictates when we should be in a relationship, a marriage. Maybe it’s because of our childbearing years. But I’m not married. And I don’t have kids. But these years have been some of the best years of my life, each year better than the last.

My family. Friends. My education. Career. Politics. Blogging and ministry. And most importantly, my relationship with God. Could I have achieved all that I have with a guy and/or kids in the picture? Maybe. But there is something to be said for what Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7 (MSG):

To be married… to be single…

Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others… And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life… The really important thing is obeying God’s call, following his commands.

 All I am saying is that when you marry, you take on additional stress in an already stressful time, and I want to spare you if possible. I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.

 So let me tell you why I am single. It’s not because I hate men. It’s not because I’m too picky. It’s not because I never want to get married. It’s because I value marriage and I know exactly what I’m looking for. I’m not willing to settle. I’d rather be single, pursuing the dreams God has placed in my heart rather than in a relationship that pulls me away.

At the end of the day, I’ve come to the point where I really don’t care anymore. I’ve spent so much time wondering where, when, or how I’ll meet the right guy because that’s what girls my age do. Sure, I’ve done other things with my time but this has always been in the back of my mind. How much do I need to invest in finding my future spouse? What is my role? But I’m tired. I’m just tired. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to miss the gift of singleness because I’m so focused on the gift of marriage. I want to spend time on my blog, with my family, growing, learning, and giving back. There’s just something so selfish about feeling like I need to find a guy “because I’m not getting any younger.” But honestly, whether I’m single the rest of my life or I end up getting married, I will only be happy if I’m living my life for God. And fortunately for me, I can do that right here, right now, forever.

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photo credit: Bronte Lockwood via photopin (license)

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6 thoughts on “Why I am now 32, single, and still a virgin

  1. Stay strong, Sarah. I can only imagine the path that you’re travelling. Still though, as someone who experienced periods of waiting and dating into his thirties before finding his mate, I can understand some of your struggles and thoughts.

    Focusing on God and the path that he wants you to walk will most certainly yield the greatest purpose for His kingdom and glory.

    Stay open to His word and direction. You have a fantastic heart for God.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I turned 32 this year as well after breaking off a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere. It held me back from doing things I felt called to do while I spent time trying to make it into a happily ever after. It feels worse to me to be “truly” single after a long term relationship at this age, but like you, I’m tired of trying to figure it out. I’m handing it over to God, where it should have been the whole time. It’s not what I pictured as a kid or young adult, being 32, single, and no kids/virgin, but it’s what God has for me. This post was so encouraging for me. It’s good to know there are other women committed to living for God in the same position as I am.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That takes a lot of courage, Erica! I feel so alone sometimes so it’s great to have people like you so comment or let me know I’m not. Just trying to let it be known there are still people out there like us. Can’t wait to see all God has in store for you!

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  3. The way I look at it, people with the spiritual gift of celibacy are virgins who are committed to God to live that way for the rest of their life, just as married people are committed to each other for the rest of their life. It’s not based on circumstances. And It’s not related to what our contemporary society identifies as social singles – divorced, widowed, single again, singles waiting on marriage, single for a season, etc. If there’s no commitment in celibacy, there can be no commitment in marriage. That’s the balance Paul was getting at in 1 Cor 7.

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