Why I won’t have sex even though I want to

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Sex is awesome. And I don’t have to experience it to know. God created sex and He desires for us to enjoy it- for more than simple procreation, although that is a wonderful benefit. It would be foolish to discredit these desires. We all have this legitimate, innate, intense desire but we have to ask ourselves if we are aiming it in the right direction. A misguided search for simple satisfaction can lead to our destruction.

Proverbs is full of scriptures related to the seductress. Do not kid yourself, the devil is alive and well, trying to steal a loving, satisfying, secure relationship from your life and replace it with the loneliness of the self-satisfaction, hook-up culture. And he will constantly look for opportunities for you to give yourself away to another person, outside the sanctity of marriage. It’s not that I hate sex; I just want to experience it to its fullest potential. Sex is meant to, is designed to, be enjoyed in the safety of a committed (marriage), loving relationship. The problem is the devil seeks to separate sex from love, commitment from intimacy. And it breaks my heart.

The message in society reads “commitment less sex with no consequences” while nothing could be further from the truth. We believe forbidden fruit tastes the best. 70 million dollars was made in ten months from 50 Shades of Grey. 70 million! So in turn we live in a society where we believe this is the norm. Where women make themselves available in order to feel any sense of love or wanting and men don’t even have to chase or pursue anymore. It’s a heartbreaking cycle.

And the sad truth is, if we don’t actively fight it, we will find ourselves in the middle of it. It’s just too strong. The longing to feel special, the low self-esteems, the desire to feel good in an instant gratification society. There are too many excuses and reasons to justify it today. And the consequences are silenced, hidden, and buried too deep.

24% of married men and 14% of married women have affairs. 1 in every 4 marriages, someone cheats. This is the leading cause of divorce. If you don’t honor and value the sanctity of sex within the confines of marriage before you are married, what makes you think you will understand its role and place once you are? I have several friends who are loyal and think it’s okay prior as long as you are in a committed relationship but it’s not good enough. It’s not going to sustain you when you’re alone on a business trip with the perfect opportunity. It’s not going to sustain you when you’ve had a huge fight with your spouse and they leave and you think you are justified. It just won’t. Because you have already blurred the lines and compromised where you know you shouldn’t have. I wish I could put into words the peace and security- the foundation that is made when following Christ. I tell you, it makes decisions a lot easier and the regrets a lot less.

So I wait. Even though it’s hard, I wait. Because I know it’s worth it. I have these truths engraved in my head and in my heart, I have to. Because temptation is great sometimes but I know.

I know that desire I have to be a Victoria Secret model is meant for my husband to enjoy, not for the world to see.

I know no one needs to really “drive it before you buy it” when it comes to sex. I have the rest of my life to enjoy it and figure it out with the man I love. Besides, would I really want a relationship that’s dependent on my sexual performance?

I know when he says I don’t know his needs or that he wants to know I love him, that he really doesn’t care about me.

I know if I start to feel pressured sexually, that he isn’t the one for me. Because he doesn’t respect me and he doesn’t fear God or His words. And that’s not the man I want in 10 years.

I know I want someone who wants me but has the power and the ability to restrain himself until he can look at my parents and say he wants me and is putting commitment down, money down, everything down. That’s the man I can trust. That’s the man that will be able to restrain himself if times get hard.

I want to say for those who have already given it away, there is still hope. The beauty of our loving God is that He is the author of second chances. The book of Hosea is one of my favorites and shows that no matter our history, God can give us a clean slate when we give it to Him.

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*Notes and statistics taken from Ben Stuart’s Wisdom & Sex podcast

photo credit: Peace via photopin (license)

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One thought on “Why I won’t have sex even though I want to

  1. “The problem is the devil seeks to separate sex from love, commitment from intimacy.” Yes, I agree. But this is precisely what we do when we define marriage in terms of wedding ceremonies and legal documents. The reason “premarital sex” is not discussed in the Bible is because sex is marriage. Man has his own politically correct language with comfortable vocabulary attached to every immorality under the sun. But God uses a language that is foreign to our ears today. Nowhere in the Bible will we find sex discussed apart from marriage for Christian people. So why should we cede our reasoning to the world and nonbelievers?

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