You never want to have this feeling again. It hurts and you feel there is nothing you can do about it. There is no quick fix to relieve this pain. Among all the feelings of anger, sadness, relief, guilt, shame, I think disappointment describes what you feel most. Disappointed things didn’t turn out how you thought they would. There were so many great times. So much potential. So much hope. But it was all shattered. All smoke and mirrors. So many ‘what ifs,’ so many ‘if onlys.’ But while you are dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, let me remind of a few important things you already know while you work on finding yourself once again.

Sever the ties for now

Clean breaks are the best. Don’t kid yourself- you can’t be friends…yet. Unless of course you both didn’t really care about each other, then in that case it would be fine. But you need some time. Time to realize who you are. Time to heal. Time to remember what you really want. And time to understand and know you are okay without this person. We all want to be loved. Desperately. So when the feeling of love is taken from us we naturally grasp for it and want it to return. We think that some feelings (even if they are unhealthy) toward us are better than no feelings at all. But that’s not true. You broke up for a reason. It wasn’t the love you want. Wasn’t the love you are looking for. So wait. Be patient. Control your emotions and don’t let them control you. Because they will change. You know this. And you know this is the best thing for you right now. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Regret certain choices but don’t regret the love

You made the choice to love knowing this pain would probably happen. I shouldn’t say probably but you went in knowing it was a possibility. A possibility that was worth the risk. The risk of this now pain. But remember what you know. Love is what makes you alive. And the only way to avoid this pain is to not love. To stay in your box. Closed off to the world. But that’s no way to live. You had lots of good memories. You enjoyed the present without letting fear of another disappointment paralyze you. You made a difference. You gave someone else love. Love they will always remember. At your own expense. Own up to any bad choices you made, but never regret the love you gave.

Turn to Christ

You’re not going to feel this way forever. You’ve been down this road before. I’m sure this relationship was different but the end result is the same. You will get over this person if you want to. But it takes time and it takes action on your part. Ask for forgiveness if you need to. Choose not to grow bitter. You have to choose not to let your love turn to hate. And you have to allow God to come in to heal your broken heart rather than thinking you can do it all on your own. Your Band-Aid approaches of going out more and rebounding may appear to work temporarily but all they are doing is masking the pain. Yes, go out, have fun, continue to live but don’t pretend this pain isn’t real. Allow God to give you clarity, allow Him to help you grow. It’s amazing how He will change your feelings. How He’ll change the way you view your ex. The way you view yourself. Let Him fill the empty void in your heart so when this pain comes, it hurts you but it doesn’t control you, doesn’t destroy you.

I know right now you feel you can never love another the same way again. But you will and it will be a better love, a deeper love. You are questioning whether all the time and investment is really worth the pain because you don’t want to go through this again. But it is. I’m sure you will go through these emotions again. Take time to reflect on what you liked, what you didn’t, and what you learned. So when the next person comes around, you’ll go into it with a little more understanding of who you are and what you’re looking for. But don’t change. Love and love freely. The right one deserves the real you. Not the jaded you. So keep moving forward. Keep putting yourself out there. And keep loving. The right one is more than worth it.

photo credit: Sitting in the park via photopin (license)