This is going to be difficult to write. As I look back at the guys of my past, it was the bad guys I engaged and the good ones I pushed away. You scared me. Because I wasn’t ready. I needed to be single. I needed to grow. I needed to establish who I was in Christ and fall in love with my One True Love first.
You scared me. In some ways you still scare me. Am I ready to be loved? Am I ready to commit? You see, it’s easy with the bad guys, the ones I know aren’t really right for me. Though I truly fall for them and care for them, I know deep down it’ll never work so it’s safe. It’ll be easier to walk away because I know the pain is only temporary.
But you. You are decent. You are kind. You make me feel special. You listen to me and you remember things about me. My imperfections you love. My ugly is cute. Because you see through me and you love me for me.
You make me feel loved, needed, wanted, secure. You’re consistent and reliable which are two of the qualities I admire most. You don’t play games and you make it clear through your actions I am what you want.
But that’s not fun. Not exciting enough. I want a challenge. I want to make the bad boy good. It’s all about me. You see, these were the qualities that made me not worthy of you. Yet, you still pursued me. What love.
It’s so scary. You have so many good qualities but. But what if I haven’t discovered the bad ones yet and it’s too late when I do? But what if you really are perfect and I didn’t fully enjoy being single like I should have because I was so worried about you?
You nice guys keep being nice. Because the problem has never been you. The problem was me. And I’m just scared. Scared I might actually like you.