Dating means letting go, marriage means holding on

I think we have it backwards. Too many people stay in relationships they should have left long ago while others exit when they should have stayed. Maybe it’s just me but I often see these people in dating relationships that just seem miserable. And the excuse is always the same, “Yea, but I love him/her.” Really? What is it you love so much? Okay okay, I don’t want to come across negative but what I really want to tell these people is that they aren’t married and it won’t get better. I think we often think it will. We hope it will at least. And it does in some ways. But I think we forgot the whole concept of dating.

Dating means letting go

Many people who are just dating say they are basically married. What?! If they don’t say it, it’s often implied. It’s fun to think about. We date because we want to be married, well really because we want to be loved. And marriage signifies that. But the whole point of dating is to get to know someone to see if you want to be married to them. You can’t possibly know if you want to marry them until you get to know them. So it’s okay if you end up breaking up- you aren’t married! That is what happens. Yes, we often feel we can’t. We don’t want to quit. We don’t want to fail. We want to work through it. We want to be loyal. All great qualities but it’s simply tragic when it’s wasted on the wrong one because you didn’t think you could break up for whatever reason. It is hard to do but it’s life and it happens. Contrary to what your heart wants to do, you need to balance being “happy go lucky” with objectiveness to see if this is actually the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. No one can be mad at you for breaking up when you are only dating. Well, unless you were a jerk about it;)

Marriage means holding on

So what leads me to believe these people are running into marriages instead of breaking things off? The numerous divorces I see happening in couples just a few years in. That’s what. What happened? What went wrong? We exit marriages quicker than we exit work when the clock hits 5 o’clock. I think a big problem is the fact that people want to get married but they aren’t ready for marriage. At least not with the person they picked. Numerous reasons I am sure. But just like dating is the opportunity to decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, marriage signifies that commitment to actually spend the rest of your life with said person. Commitment. Fighting. Loving. Choosing the other person first. Constantly. So if you’re not ready, don’t get married. If you don’t know the person well enough to know, don’t do it. Marriage is losing its value in our society, but don’t let it lose its meaning in your life.

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photo credit: Amber Dancing via photopin (license)

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3 thoughts on “Dating means letting go, marriage means holding on

  1. There are a number of reasons people stay in unhealthy relationships. Age is one of those factors. The person feels the clock is ticking. She is not getting any younger. Some feel like if they pray harder he will change. Newsflash here, what you see is a very small percentage of what you get in marriage. The good become better and the ugly becomes uglier depending on whether someone is allowing God to work in his life. The factor that makes many and I mean many people stay in unhealthy relationship is premarital sex. I cannot even talk about this because I will take over your post with many words. Many people are not able to get out of the trap that is created by premarital sex. I loved your post.

    Martha
    http://www.marthamacharia.com

    Like

  2. Ive found out another reason why people stay in abusive rshps. And thats reputation.
    Especially in christian settings, people say they have been dating for long, what will others say when it doesnt work out.
    Some are christian leaders and they take on the challenge of staying in a wrong relationship than face the fact that its not about what others think. Everyone out there is working out their own paths.
    Anyways….its all painful seeing people forcing things to happen, because in a way, they miss out on God’s will

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