Dating, Marriage, and Sex: Part 2- How do you date

Dating Marriage Sex 2

So as I mentioned in my previous post Dating, Marriage, and Sex: Part One- What to look for when looking for marriage, I’m currently working on a series inspired from Ben Stuart’s Sex and Dating series. I previously wrote on a general guideline of what to look for when dating. I am not a fan of checklists by any means; I have actually found that the more I date, the more I realize I have no clue what I want or need in a relationship. I’m thankful God knows me better than I know myself and that I don’t have the burden of that decision. But those guidelines serve as a reminder of foundational things that will remind you of what matters when our emotions may try to get the best of us.

For this post, I want to focus on general principles to consider when you actually begin dating someone you are interested in. I think sometimes we might get excited about someone or jump right in that we forget our whole purpose and intent behind our dating in the first place. Once again, I won’t say these must be followed to a tee or else you are doomed for failure but I do think that by keeping these ideas in mind, you can save yourself a lot of heartache, use your time more wisely, and prevent yourself from getting hurt and hurting others.

1) Date with clarity. Be intentional. Be purposeful. COMMUNICATE. I cannot stress this one enough. We often hear that communication is one of the top attributes to look for in the opposite sex. But what does that even mean? I think we use the word so often that we forget its value. God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). He is not all about these games that we either intentionally or unintentionally play- you’re in control if you care less, it’s their turn to text, I want him to know I like him but I don’t want to appear desperate and the list goes on and on. STOP IT. It’s not healthy and it’s not right.

I see so many relationships that are gray and leave people guessing. How better would we all be if we could just be honest about our feelings with each other? We need to stop leading people on and we need to stop playing with people’s hearts. They are valuable and they are sacred. Be clear with how you feel. If you are only looking for a friendship, say that. If you don’t know what you want, you may need to figure that out on your own rather than at the expense of other people’s hearts.

I’m as independent as they come, but I am a firm believer in the guy being very clear with their actions and intentions. If the guy will be leading our family and home one day, he needs to be able to lead in our relationship. When things are left to chance and guessing, it’s a breeding ground for insecurities.

Guys: If you are interested in a girl, tell her. If you don’t see her that way, tell her. If you are spending a lot of time talking to her, especially about spiritual stuff, she is going to think you are interested in her. She shouldn’t have to guess what your guys’ relationship is.

Girls: Be patient. We also tend to jump the gun and try to initiate things but it’s important that we encourage men to be men. But don’t play hard to get either; you can let them know you are interested but don’t rush things. Patience is a virtue;-)

Oh and this whole asking each other’s friends what’s up thing has got to stop. Talk to each other about your honest feelings. If this is done appropriately with open communication from the beginning, a lot of pain and wasted time can be avoided. We have to remember that we will meet lots of awesome people but we will only marry one. Keep it in perspective. Just because someone is wrong for you, doesn’t mean they are a bad person. Be open to healthy friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ.

2) Date with autonomy. Leading off of the whole brothers and sisters in Christ thing, we must remember that is what we are with each other until we are married. We need to respect one another and love one another with Christ’s love. While dating, both people need to have the freedom to make their own choices- YOU ARE NOT MARRIED YET SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT. Sorry, this one really gets me. Dating is a time to see if you are right for each other so you need to be free to go where God is calling you. It is a very scary thing if you start ignoring God for the sake of who you are dating.

Now, I am not saying be selfish here by any means but you need to have the freedom to make your own decisions. You are not married to the person yet. You cannot force the other person to do anything. If you are already finding yourself changing (and not for the better) because of the relationship, you need to seriously evaluate if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Too many people act like they are already bonded to the person before marriage but you aren’t. Side note, another reason to leave sex out of it. Remember- married people will do married people things- you aren’t there yet.

3) Date with purity. Nothing clouds your vision quite like your hormones do. I cannot tell you how many relationships I’ve seen that only lasted as long as they did because of sex or physical intimacy. This is no joke and it disgusts me how our culture today is doing everything it can to make us believe that you can separate sex and it just be physical. It’s never just physical. I promise you that. Unless you have no heart and are a robot, physical intimacy creates an indescribable bond between two people. If this wasn’t the case, sexual molestation and rape would be things we can just get over as we would if someone punched us in the face but it’s not the same. It has an effect on us in more ways than we know. The point is, it is there and we can’t just lie to ourselves and pretend it isn’t for temporary feelings of satisfaction.

The more your relationship grows in Christ, the more you realize why God tells us to save that special kind of intimacy with our spouse. Putting off the physical aspects in a relationship is beneficial in so many ways. This is potentially someone else’s spouse and you must remember that. If you leave the physical aspects out, I would say you have a greater chance of being friends in the event it doesn’t work out. One of the best reasons I appreciate and value about leaving the physical stuff out is the fact that it allows me to see if I really like the person for who they are. And ultimately, that is what matters most.

You hear so many people say they want a best friend, yet their actions show otherwise. In order to make sure the friendship is there, you have to leave the physical stuff out of it for awhile otherwise it may just be physical attraction binding the two of you. And as I already mentioned, that physical bond is tight and strong but it’s not healthy if that’s all there is. It’s dangerous and damaging. I have many friends that are having issues getting over their exes and I firmly believe the physical relationship is what is hindering the healing process the most.

Save your body for your spouse. It’s such a precious and priceless gift. I can’t wait to give that gift to my husband someday. He is so worth the wait.

4) Date with wisdom. In some ways this ties to dating with purity. God gave us the desire to want to have sex so I’m not going to pretend it’s not there. However, he did intend for it to be shared between a husband and wife. Therefore, I believe it’s our job to be wise and not put ourselves in situations that would be too tempting. This will look different for each of us. You may need to find ways to be private in public. If you are going to date alone, do it in public. This is especially true for younger people who are dating, in my opinion. Don’t expedite the romance and put yourself in a situation that may be too big for you to handle.

Be wise. We all know where our weakness is. For me, it’s the unknown and going along with however the guy is leading and I know this. Therefore, I tend to be upfront in where I stand in the beginning in regards to the physical aspects of a relationship to avoid any confusion, hurt, or misplaced rejection. I don’t believe in kissing early on in the relationship. For me, it would be easy for that to lead to other things, as well as already makes me emotionally attached so I typically am upfront about my thoughts on that and explain why. There are no expectations and it allows us to have a great time and really get to know each other.

5) Date with community. Have others watch the relationship. Make sure you have an accountability partner so you can stay on track. Dating can be hard and tough and confusing. You need someone objective watching. When we are attracted to someone, it is easy for us to go down the path of making excuses for them.

6) Date with patience. I cannot stress this enough. It’s okay to look toward the future and start seeing whether or not you could spend the rest of your life with someone based on your relationship. We all do it. But why do we live in such an instant gratification society? Don’t rush forever. Don’t rush each other. And don’t place too much pressure on each other either. I’m not saying allow yourself to be used but it takes a long time to really get to know someone. Be patient. Enjoy each other. Laugh. Have deep talks. Socialize in groups. Work on projects together. Time always tells. You’ll either grow closer together or further apart.

7) Date with perspective. While who you marry is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life, it’s not the most important. God has a plan for your life. Pray and trust Him. We were created for something bigger than our marriage. Each one of us has a unique purpose. Focus on God and your passions, He’ll take care of the rest if you let Him. God has a perfect plan for your life- do you trust Him?

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” –Psalm 37:4

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” –Matthew 6:33

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” –Jeremiah 29:11

signature

Advertisements

Dating, Marriage, and Sex: Part One- What to look for when you are looking for marriage

datingmarriagesex1

I have always been a firm believer in never dating just to date. I really don’t see any benefits in that and someone always ends up getting hurt. That will be someone’s spouse one day- we shouldn’t play with people’s hearts or emotions if we aren’t willing or looking to commit. One of the pastor’s I listen to is Ben Stuart from Breakaway Ministries at Texas A&M. He has a wonderful ministry there and I always appreciate his perspective on things. He did a series awhile back and I wish I could find them but the messages were entitled Sex and Dating and had four parts, I believe. I decided to utilize my notes from his messages to write this series for you all because it has helped me so much in reminding me what’s important when it comes to dating. I would like to preface this with the fact that I don’t believe in checklists but this should serve as a helpful guide to help us all think a little more objectively when our emotions may get the best of us. Ultimately, you have to listen to God and make the best decision for your life.

Anyone can get a date. Let’s just get that out there. Sometimes we get discouraged or feel inadequate, that no one likes us or we’ll always be single but the truth is, we could all get married tomorrow if we really wanted to. And we can’t forget that. Lower your standards enough and you can. But we don’t want to and we shouldn’t have to. Sometimes we get caught up on this whole dating and marriage thing as if it’s the most important thing in the world. And while I think we could all agree that I do think it is one of the most important decisions we will ever make, there are far greater things out there we should be thinking about. We must not forget that one of the coolest and most exciting things about marriage is how it represents and shows how much Christ loves us, loves the church.

I think that we tend to be in such a rush to find someone that we miss the gift of singleness. Yes, you heard right- singleness is such an amazing gift. It allows you to be fully devoted to Christ and Him alone. You don’t have anyone else to worry about and aren’t looking for ways to please another. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing and with the right one, you both will be so completely powerful together as you both pursue Christ. But with the wrong one, it could prove to be detrimental. Marriage is never about two incomplete people finding wholeness with the other; rather, it is about two complete people complementing each other to create power. THAT is what makes it so amazing and exciting.

Before you even begin to look at dating, you have to have your relationship with God right first. I cannot stress this enough. If you are not complete yourself, you have no business in the dating world because honestly, everyone will fall short. Only when your security and identity is found in Christ, will you be able to engage in healthy relationships. Otherwise, what we see are just mutually exclusive using relationships or partnerships. I hate to be so blunt but that’s what it is and it makes me so sad. Yes, some of them work but they could be so much better! Don’t you want and desire God’s best for your life? Let God fill your heart so you will be complete, lacking nothing and then allow Him to bring the perfect person FOR YOU into life to help complement it. You have to be full of God’s love first if you want to succeed in a loving and healthy marriage. Since God is love and you are full in Him, the rest will just come naturally and you won’t need all these self-help books on how to love or save your marriage, it’s just who you are.

The next six items are things to consider when looking for a spouse. Once again, these are helpful reminders and tips to help us stay focused and not get distracted from what we really want and are looking for. I would also argue that the first two are the most important. The rest don’t necessarily have to be there but I would imagine a lot of hiccups and arguments in the future if they aren’t. Love is the most important thing, but sometimes we need reminders as to what love really is.

1) A believer. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” You can’t really get more clear than this. One, God says it so I would follow it since God only has our best interest at heart. Two, think about it. If God is the most important thing in your life, two things could either happen- you start to resent the person you are with because you can’t share the most important thing in your life with them or two, your relationship with Christ begins to suffer as you start compromising. There have been some very rare instances where the unbeliever gets saved from what we call “evanga-dating” where you witness to your unbelieving partner. However, this is only because of God’s grace and should never be a model for what we pursue.

2) Someone who is morally submitted to God. This one is so important. If you aren’t really following Christ, I would question how much you really believe. I will sum this one up with a quote from Matt Chandler:

“Can I say something to young ladies here? I’m trying to pick my words carefully here. Your husband, whoever he is, single ladies, will have an unbelievable amount of influence over your sons and daughters in regards to spiritual things. If you want your children to love Jesus deeply, hold out for a man that is Godly. And let me tell you this: I am well aware that Godly men are rare. Lots of neat Christian boys, not a lot of Godly men. And we’re working our tails off for you to try to develop some into that. But don’t settle, because it’s better to be lonely now than you be married and lonely later. Are you tracking with me? It is better that you be lonely now than for you to get married to a man that will teach your kids everything but the way of Jesus.”

3) Someone who is moving at the same pace. This is so important. Okay, I find myself saying that a lot but it is so true because I’ve been there and it doesn’t work. You do not want to date or marry a guy you are having to drag to be the spiritual leader. It gets exhausting. I can’t tell how many times I’ve had to encourage the person I’m with to go to church or do devotions with me. It’s fine for a friendship but I am looking for a man to lead me and my family one day. I have such a strong personality outside my personal life, that all I desire is to be lead when I am home- safe and secure. And I don’t think that is wrong. God calls women to submit to their husbands and I have such a strong desire to do that but it has to be to someone I believe in, that hears God and I can look up to and admire. We are always to be chasing after God and how easy and comforting is it if we have someone there who is moving at the same pace as us? We are only here for a short time; you don’t need to settle for someone who will only slow you down.

4) Someone who is theologically compatible. While I don’t think this one is a deal breaker, I do think it is important. I had someone break up with me because we weren’t on the same page in regards to infant baptism, spiritual gifts, and predestination. I was willing to compromise on them because I didn’t think they were deal breakers; he was not. What it came down to was he didn’t want me teaching our kids what I believed as he thought he was correct and 100% right in what he believed. As you can see, this would have created numerous arguments down the road. My personal opinion is that there is not necessarily one denomination that is better than the other but that the person truly has a relationship with The Lord. I believe that there are things in the Bible that are clearly stated, while others are a little more grey. It is up to the two of you to share and discuss your individual relationships with Christ (always look for someone who has a personal relationship with Christ and not just someone who can quote off scripture or popular theologians- personal experience;-) and the Bible to ensure you are on the same page in your beliefs.

5) Someone who is socially compatible. I think this one can change over time but this is where it’s imperative you already have your identity in Christ. Once you know who you are, you can begin figuring out what your purpose is. Oftentimes, we confuse the two or get them backwards, or worse- find our purpose and/or identity in another person. What’s scary is if you don’t know your purpose yet and you end up marrying someone else who does have a clear direction and purpose, only to find out it’s not the direction God had planned for you. I do think sometimes another person can help aid us in finding our purpose so I don’t want to discredit that. But at the same time, God created a deep desire within us to accomplish something for His kingdom utilizing our personal gifts. What a tragedy it would be if we miss out on that by marrying the wrong person. Only you can know this one. If your heart is for missions overseas, you may not be most compatible with a person who feels called to stay in the states and do something else. I don’t know though. I still feel with real love, both people can accomplish big goals for God that may eventually change. Just something to think about.

6) Someone you are physically attracted to. Alright, I am going to be honest- when I first heard this series, I thought this last one was totally superficial. I’ve been around long enough to think that looks won’t matter if I can really find someone who loves God. However, I recently dated a guy that I was not attracted to at all but I thought he really loved God so I was willing to look past that. I did start to think he was cuter when I got to know him more. However, I was never really attracted to him. Our relationship never went anywhere for other reasons but I did spend some time thinking about the attraction thing. I finally concluded that God does not desire for us to be with someone we aren’t attracted to. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone you are attracted to. Thankfully, we are all attracted to different types of people so I don’t believe we will have to settle in this area. It’s not asking too much to have a godly, cute person:)

Wow, okay that was a lot longer than I anticipated. Check back later this week because I’ll continue this with my next post on how you should date because we all know that’s just as confusing;-)

signature

The difference between loving someone and being in love

Love

I love all of my exes. I am not in love with any of them. There is a difference, there has to be a difference. But what is it exactly? Does being “in love” go away? I’m not really sure but I have a flood of thoughts that run through my head that I felt like sharing. I think the Bible talks about many different types of love, but we just use the one word love. It’s kind of sad when you think about. The same word is used in the context of “man, I love this pizza” and “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Like whoa. Let that sink in for a second.

I posed this to my friends and all of their responses just confused me more. There were some real honest feelings spoken that I appreciated and they made me think more. Although my friend that posted “I love my children with all my heart and nobody bats an eye; I fall in love with my daughter and everyone loses their minds,” made me laugh while pointing out that there is indeed a difference.

You can love people you don’t necessarily like. I don’t think you can be in love with someone you don’t even like. Yea, I’m sure there will be times you don’t like the person you are in love with because of something dumb or annoying they did but in general you like them. I think the being in love aspect adds a new dynamic where you like them as a person and who they are, aside from any romantic feelings. And then that grows into a love for them. Sometimes it just stops there. Other times it continues to grow into something more. People use the term fall in love and act like it’s a bad thing because you don’t fall into anything; but, I see falling in love as something that grows and develops over time. If you have it from the beginning, I don’t see how that can be real love. Infatuation, maybe lust, dependency, obsession but don’t call it love. You don’t even know the person yet. I think more times than not, we are simply in love with the idea of being in love. It’s when real life happens and push comes to shove that we see where we’re really at, how we really feel, and what really matters most to us. When you are in love with someone you will do anything for them and nothing else matters because honestly, love is what makes us feel most alive. Real love is what keeps us going- not our job, our money, our fame, our house. So many people have all of these things yet feel so alone and empty. And I know some of my readers aren’t Christian but I firmly believe that this type of love can only come as a result of knowing Christ’s love. Otherwise, love is just all these things that I believe it isn’t- choosing to do the right thing, attraction, lust, fleeting feelings. It’s a beautiful thing when two people with the same understanding of love fall in love with one another. I don’t think there is anything as powerful as love.

I liked what one of my friends said: “If you love someone and are romantically involved then you are in love with them. I don’t understand how it’s more complicated than that.” He’s right. But how do those romantic feelings evolve? Over time. Do they always evolve? I don’t think so. I do think there has to be some level of attraction but I’m not going to say a huge, strong one. Mainly because I have dated guys who I thought were cute but as I grew in my love for them and I got to see who they were, they became more attractive to me. So how do these “in love” feelings evolve? Nothing is a substitute for time. We are living in such an instant gratification society right now that everyone thinks they need to know to know if the guy or girl they just met is their soulmate. What?! It’s crazy, yet we do it. But that being in love feeling- if that’s even what you want to call it- stays or grows as you strengthen and deepen your relationship with someone. When people fall out of love, that’s when they get to know more about that person and don’t like what they see. The “in love” happens when they do like what they see. That’s why you just can’t rush this, you can’t. Well you can but you might end up stuck in a relationship you never really wanted or you get a divorce. Both sound awful. The problem is that most of us don’t take the time to actually analyze our feelings. There is no such thing as “I just wasn’t feeling it.” Think about it some more. There is something you don’t like. Either about that person or about how that person makes you feel about yourself. Whatever it is, listen to it. In time, things either get better or worse. Pay attention.

I had some friends talk about how being in love is when you can’t live without them. Not that you can’t, but you feel like you can’t. That’s what happens when you do really love someone. If you can live without me so well- why don’t you? That’s my thinking. Maybe a little cynical. Others say you are incomplete or something is missing. I wouldn’t say incomplete but it’s okay to fill like something is missing isn’t it? One of my friends explained how she is better because of her husband, he inspires her to be better and how she is in love with him and everything about him. I think that’s important.

I don’t think being in love is just a phase of feelings. I don’t think it fades with time. I think, if anything, it grows with time. I hope to consistently fall more and more in love with my husband as we grow together and spend our lives together. When trust, love, loyalty, and kindness all continue to grow and increase- how can I not? The more we open up with each other, are vulnerable, love each other with flaws and all, feel safe, free to be ourselves, respect and feel inspired, and feel loved, liked genuinely loved I don’t see how I would not be in love with someone like that. Especially when I know and recognize how rare it is. That’s how I feel at least. With all my guys, I have either fallen more in love with them or less as I got to know them. Yes, I could have chosen to still love them regardless of my feelings of not wanting to, but why? I can still love them. Doesn’t mean I should marry them and spend the rest of my life with them. No, I hope to do that with someone who I continuously fall more in love with. Is that asking too much? I would hope that they’d fall more in love with me too.

I think many people get married to people that they love, not people that they are in love with. And I guess that’s okay. Two people can make it work. It’s all about priorities and preferences I suppose. But I couldn’t do it. Maybe that’s why I’m not married. I need something more if I’m going to commit to someone for the rest of my life. I don’t know if that’s wrong or not. But I can continue to love many people and remain single, it’s not that bad. To me, it would be worse to be married to someone I’m not really in love with. So I will wait. I had someone say once, “If love in love hurts so much when it ends and if it feels like you’re dying when you’re not with the person you love, then that sounds like a horrible feeling to me.” And he is right. It is awful but I think that’s what also makes it so beautiful. I don’t want to marry someone I just love because honestly what’s the point? I can love them and stay being friends. I want something more. I don’t think I know what being in love feels like honestly but until then, I will wait. Keep loving. And pray that when it happens, I will know. Because I think I already know what it’s not and I have no desire to settle for that.

signature

My best worst date ever

Mybestworstdateever

I’m not sure why I’m starting out the new year with this type of post but here goes lol. I have had some pretty interesting dates over my manyyy years of dating- okay okay, I’m not that old people! But they were talking about worst dates on the radio the other day and I was talking to some of my friends on Facebook about our experiences and there are some weird stories out there! Mine was not that bad. Okay, maybe it was. Here it is, in three parts. Yes, three.

The first date:
I still remember talking to a couple of my girlfriends about all of our current guy situations. Yep, it’s true- guys dominate a lot of our conversations. One of my friends had recently went out with this guy and was telling us all about her “fun” experience. She described this guy as maybe too religious and then thought of me. I’m not sure if I should have been offended by that or not lol. Even though her date was bad, I was single and thought why not give him a try. At the very least I’d have a good story and boy do I. Standards, Sarah, standards.

Nick and I decided to meet at a central location to both of us at a local bookstore. We met around 7 and would decide what to do from there. From the minute Nick and I met, he wanted to know what our mutual friends had said about him (as in my friend that went out with him.) I’m typically a pretty patient person when it comes to that, but I finally had to tell him to stop caring about what other people think about him. It was so annoying to say the least. But it gets better. He asked what we should do. Sidenote- I like a guy that plans and comes up with ideas so I might have already started thinking less of him and judging at this point. My bad. I suggested we go eat because it’s dinnertime and I’m starving. Nope, he just ate. Wow, thanks. I suggest the mall, which was right across the street. Nope, too many people. Alright. I suggest the beach and pier, which was about 10 minutes away. Nope, too far. At this point I was already giving up. He suggested the park that was right across the street. I said fine but I was going to drive through Steak n’ Shake first because I was starving and meet him there. I did- with a burger, fries, and milkshake in hand. We talked. I ate. It was okay. Mostly dull. Mostly about him. It was fascinating. I didn’t know there were people out there who were really this self-absorbed. We got kicked out of the park because they were closing and went across the street to another park and continued to walk and talk. We did have some good conversation and he is a nice guy, there was just nothing there. I didn’t think we’d go out again but we did. You could say I’m a glutton for punishment.

Date two:
So you’re probably wondering why in the world I would go out with Nick again. Yea, I still don’t know either. We would text on and off after our first date and we had made a silly bet over politics and he won. Loser was supposed to take the other to dinner. We agreed on a place to go which was his idea- central location yet again. While walking up to the restaurant, he asked me if the place was good. I told him that I didn’t know because I had never been there. He then proceeded to ask me why I picked the place and I told him that I didn’t. He said I did. We argued in the parking lot about this. Real mature, I know. Turns out I was right and he misread my text. He still owes me a movie for being wrong. Since we were at an outdoor mall with several restaurants around, we decided to walk somewhere else. On our walk, he told me not to worry, that he would pay for his half of the check. Uhh thanks? Maybe I’m a little old fashioned but seriously. Am I wrong for thinking he should have still paid? Maybe I’m spoiled. I don’t know. I wish I could say it got better.

We went to a pizza place and both got water. He asked if I wanted to share a pizza and I said sure. He wanted to know what I wanted on it and I told him I didn’t care- whatever he wanted was fine. I just wanted garlic knots. We ate and we fought. Maybe it was my fault because I love talking about taboo topics such as religion, politics, and sex. He zoned out once during dinner and told me how he felt bad for fat people. That was weird. One time he told me not to interrupt him and let him finish talking. Wow. And just so we are clear, I am a pretty passionate person, but always respectful so that definitely blind-sided me.

Dinner was great- as in the food. We had to get a to go box for the rest of the pizza; I actually only ate one slice because I filled up on garlic knots. I took two additional slices to go and Nick took a total of five. I’m mentioning this for a reason. When the check came, Nick looked at it for awhile and then asked how we should split it. Mind you, there are only two items on it- our pizza and the garlic knots (which he ate too). I knew what he was thinking- he didn’t want to pay for the garlic knots since I ordered them. His face said it all. I said we could split it down the middle. He paused for a second and then agreed. Such a charmer.

We ended up walking around to different shops- he needed a beanie. This guy is so vain. He is good looking but oh my gosh, he thinks he is the best thing since slice bread. We go into Old Navy and see a family taking photos with the mannequins and I could tell he wanted one but was kind of shy. I offered to take it for him. Most people would take a picture with each other; my date wanted one with a mannequin. He then tried on several beanies and asked me how each one looked. They all look the same! Ahh. He finally decides and we continue to walk. I did want to stop into Claire’s for a second to see if they had any phone cases, don’t judge me. We were in the store for no more than a minute when I noticed Nick wasn’t in the store anymore. I go to look for him and he is outside wandering. I asked him what he was doing and he thought I said I was ready to go. Wow. Okay then.

We end up walking back to our trucks and I hug him, say thanks, and tell him I had a good time. As I start walking back to my truck he made a big mistake; he asks me if I meant that. Did I really have a good time? He shouldn’t have asked that. I had to be honest. We end up talking for over an hour in the parking lot. It was actually the best part of all of our interactions. We got to talk about some pretty deep stuff. Long story short, I just didn’t think he was ready to date yet. Obviously I care about him and this was all in good fun. I never have met someone I didn’t care about. And not everyone we go out with is going to be the person we marry. That’s okay. To quote Madea- some people come into your life for a lifetime, others for a season. For whatever reason, Nick and I met.

Third times a charm:
Nick contacted me not too long ago and we decided we should catch up. We met at a restaurant and he actually paid for my food and drink with no hesitation. Maybe my talk with him actually did work;-) But he’s moved on- to cougars and pretty women. I love catching up with him and I’d like to think we’ll always be friends. Maybe not after he reads this post though. Oops!

signature