Why the virgin heartbreaker?

I honestly didn’t think it would be as tough as it is. When I first thought of the name the virgin heartbreaker several years ago, I thought it was the best idea ever. I thought it was catchy, I thought it would get people to think about what it meant- I thought it would stand out. And stand out is what I want to do. I’m not going to lie, it is a bit awkward to say sometimes especially to people who know me but not that well. Surprise, they are going to know a lot more about me than maybe they wanted to now. I don’t think some people know how to respond when I tell them; mainly because it’s somewhat taboo to talk about sex in certain settings. Other settings love to talk about it, but not in an abstinence way at all. I can’t tell you how many times I have been somewhere where sex has been talked about so openly, vulgarly, and casually. I look for opportunities to share why I have chosen to wait until marriage to have sex but sometimes I refrain if the setting isn’t as appropriate. But then someone asks or makes a comment, completely oblivious, and I have to tell them and then the whole group gets quiet. Why does no one know what to say? Is it something that is so rare in our generation, for someone my age? I get the standard response “oh wow, that’s awesome that you are doing that,” but it doesn’t seem sincere, from most at least. No one wants to talk about it.

For a majority of the people, they don’t get it nor want to get it. If they stop and think about it, they might feel convicted or guilty- maybe they’ll realize they should stop having sex so casually. Did God have something better in mind when he created sex? There’s always at least one in a setting I am in that thinks about it- that didn’t realize people still lived like that. And those are the moments I love. Our culture has done its best to desensitize us to thinking that one of the most sacred and highest forms of love can be dwindled down into a one-night stand. Not only that but lead you to believe there is nothing wrong with it and that it doesn’t come with any consequences. It truly breaks my heart because once you give your virginity away to someone, you never get it back. And for me, I hope to one day give that sacred gift away to my husband.

I didn’t have sex when I was younger because my mom told me not to. She told me that God wanted me to save that for marriage and that it’s supposed to be only something shared between a husband and wife. I trusted my mom so much that that was enough for me at that age. I knew she loved me and wanted what was best for me- so if I was really missing out on something great she wouldn’t keep that from me. That was enough for me at that time. Trust and innocence is such a beautiful thing. How great is it to feel so loved that you don’t even have to question something. To know that just because you don’t understand something at the time doesn’t mean you have to fight it. Oh how I wish people would trust God that same way sometimes. We always need to have a reason why for everything we are told today. There is no trust. There is no faith. There is no hope. I am thankful that my heart for God is ahead of my brain. God’s love for me is so unfailing that I oftentimes find myself solely relying on Him and trusting Him. And while in my teen years, I didn’t have sex just because He told me not to, I have learned the why. My dad got me this Christian fish ring for my 17th birthday and it has been my purity ring ever since.

purityringFor me, this serves as a constant reminder that Jesus is my first love and that I will fight for my purity so I can one day give that to my husband. It is so easy to try and justify having sex in today’s society and while it may be great for the moment (our instant gratification society), God has something so much better in mind for us all. There were so many times where I have been tempted to go too far with a guy just because of my emotions and feelings in the moment but it’s always later that I look back and am so grateful that I never did because honestly they never deserved that part of me. That part is for my husband and he is worth the wait. What a wonderful gift I hope to give him someday.

But back to the actual name. The name the virgin heartbreaker randomly hit me many years ago when thinking about my many failed attempts toward finding true love. Who would have thought that someone who didn’t have sex could break so many hearts? Breaking hearts is not something I am proud of but it happens when you have two people that care about each other. The virgin in the name is there to make a point. I am a virgin and while that seems to have more negative than positive connotations in today’s society for a girl my age, I will continue to make a stand and encourage others to do the same. I chose to use the word heartbreaker because unfortunately the term virgin is often coupled with someone who nobody wants to have sex with, not that they purposely chose to remain abstinent. I don’t say this arrogantly at all, but I have had to say no to many guys and “break their hearts” when society would have you to believe that no one would like/love you if you don’t have sex with them. This is simply not true. The only people you miss out on are the ones looking for hook-ups rather than commitment and I don’t think anyone truly wants that anyway. So the name is simply what it is in hopes to start discussion and encourage others to know that you don’t have to engage in sex in order to get a guy. In fact, I challenge you not to and to remember that at any time you can give your virginity away, but never again can you get it back. Fight for your purity. It is so worth the wait.

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3 thoughts on “Why the virgin heartbreaker?

  1. I can totally relate to this post. I think you said everything I feel. You go girl ! I barely talk about it because people just don’t get it or they will say things like they feel sorry for me when I’m happy & at peace with my decision.

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  2. Sarah,

    I love this blog! I will be honest though, I think the title is a bit misleading and because heart breaker is in the title it does seem like something you’re proud of. It almost comes off as being a tease because you can break hearts without having sex. I don’t say this to be rude or cruel but because I love the heart you display for purity on your blog and the name of the blog indicates being a heart breaker is just as an important definition of who you are as a virgin.

    I kept expecting something more like because Christ broke your heart for sin and the world and gave you a new heart of The Spirit you refocused your decision for purity. This is just a suggestion as a sister in Christ who also blogs because your message is too important to be misrepresented.

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