The truth behind why women want BIG proposals and BIG rings

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We are not all gold diggers. I thought it would be appropriate to start with that because that is typically the first judgement that is passed on to any girl desiring the two. I would also preface this post with the fact that not all women desire big proposals, rings, and/or weddings either. My goal here is to not really talk about the material aspects but more the underlying thoughts about why women do desire these things. And what most women want deep down.

I asked my friends on Facebook what they thought about women who desire big proposals and big rings and the responses were in line with what I had expected. People automatically assume the worse. Men believe if that is all the woman cares about, he doesn’t want her. Women feel that it shouldn’t matter. And I agree it shouldn’t matter but it does. And hopefully I’ll be able to shed some light as to why it does.

Call me old fashioned but I still believe in the man proposing and providing the ring. I don’t get the whole women proposing to men thing. It’s weird. But I also believe in mutual love and this may mean the guy and the girl love and show love in different ways sometimes. There is nothing wrong with this.

I will confess that I do desire a big ring and a big proposal but not because I’m a diamond snob or want to post my proposal to youtube. Okay, maybe I do want it on youtube. But seriously, I desire these because to me it can, can being the key word, show how much a guy values me. Just another way to express his love. Certainly not the only way but that is what excites me about it. Do you remember the widow’s offering in the Bible?

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44 (ESV)

Big ring is relative. What matters here is how much value the guy places on the woman. What is she worth? We see the widow in the above scripture give two small copper coins and Jesus said she put in more than all those who were contributing. Why? Because she gave all she had- she didn’t count the costs. That is what women really are seeking. A $5,000 ring will mean more to a girl who’s guy had to work a year to save up for it but desired nothing but the best for his girl because she is worth it to him. Alternatively, it probably won’t mean as much to the girl who knows the guy makes that in a month, easily. There are always exceptions here but please don’t miss the point I am trying to make. Ladies, you should feel loved and valued by your man, and that the ring and proposal will just be an extension of what you already know about his love for you. Men, you should know your woman doesn’t love you for your money but you think they deserve the moon because of how much you love them. You truly desire to give them the best ring and proposal because of your love for them. If these feelings aren’t already in place before the proposal, you might need to address them.

You say she’s materialistic, shouldn’t these things not matter? Shouldn’t it be about love? And I would argue that it still is. You see dollar signs, I see hearts. Love can be hard to identify and hard to measure. With so many articles and books on how to love your partner with quick tips and how-to’s, it can be easy to get by with your actions appearing good, while love is a foreign language to your heart. Guys, desiring love is not materialistic and if you don’t desire to give her the best out of fear she is just a gold digger, something is already wrong.

For most guys, money is their hugest resource. They value money more than most things, if not more than anything. So for a guy to spend a significant amount of money on a ring is huge! This equates to him sacrificing, him working extra hours, him going without. And the best part is when the guy doesn’t even view it as a sacrifice because he loves his girl so much that he desires nothing more than to make her feel just a little glimpse of his love for her. So for us ladies, this is what makes a big ring so valuable to us. With the exception of movie stars and pure geniuses, the majority of us are middle-class people, trying to make it work with what we have, money wise. If I was writing to the rich- this article would be completely different; money is like toilet paper to the rich. Why is it that so many rich wives leave their husbands or have affairs even though they have the biggest everything? It’s not because we all just desire material items; we want love.

When I say big proposal, I’m not necessarily meaning big and flashy; I mean big and memorable- for her! This is another opportunity for guys to show how much they love the one they wish to spend the rest of their life with. This requires another valuable resource to men- time. This will be one of the biggest days in a girl’s life, one that she will always remember. This may consist of big funds, big thoughts, big memories- whatever it takes to make this day as special as possible for her. If a guy puts little thought and little money into it, maybe his love for her is little, as well.

And here’s a tip to the guys- when you genuinely love the girl, this all comes rather easy. We aren’t all difficult as it may seem. But if you don’t love us, be prepared for us to push and pull to figure out if you can or ever will love us. When you have two people that love each other, it tends to balance out quite nicely. If not, watch out!

So who’s ready to go to Tiffany’s?;-)

photo credit: …love Maegan via photopin cc

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4 thoughts on “The truth behind why women want BIG proposals and BIG rings

  1. From a guy’s perspective, telling a woman that you love them alone and that you want to spend the rest of your life with her is a gigantic thing. Ring or no ring, extravagant plans or no plans at all, the question in itself is bigger than any material item or the extra time at work to buy a bigger ring; it’s bigger than the show or event accompanying the proposal. If it’s a good guy, the proposal probably weighed heavily on his heart for quite a while. He makes a decision, commits, and puts it all on the line in complete vulnerability to ask a woman to join him for life. It means that he is likely willing to give you anything in the world that you would want and even willing to give his life for you – this makes the ring and the fireworks seem like a petty tradition in comparison.
    At the end of your days on earth, would you like to be telling your ancestors why your ring is so big or would you like to tell your great grand kids about the amazing life experiences you had with your sacrificial partner. There are many reasons that a guy may have for not wanting to give a big ring or plan an extravagant proposal ceremony; many of these reasons have nothing to do with laziness, cheapness, or lack of love. In fact, the real reason may be based on something modeled by Christ…

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