I was talking with a friend from work this past week about how much of a germaphobe I am. Wait, why doesn’t Microsoft Word recognize germaphobe as a real world?! This is very real people. Some people are gross. Okay, maybe gross is a strong word but some of the things people do gross me out. Thus, a discussion of first date don’ts began. I even went to my trusty Facebook friends to hear some of their pet peeves. While mine dealt mostly with germs (lol sorry), there were some other great (or not so great) things my friends added to the list. So if you are aiming to lose your date on the first date, here goes:
- Don’t be chivalrous. This one is mostly directed toward guys. Don’t hold the door open. Don’t pay for your date. Don’t tip. Don’t lead. Yes, some women are independent but most still like to be treated like a lady. If you want this date to go somewhere, be aware and follow cues. When you genuinely are interested in someone, you’ll be able to figure out their likes and dislikes, when to push and when to pull.
- Talk about about your ex. Okay, I understand if the conversation presents itself and exes get brought but to keep saying things like “my ex really loved this place” or “my ex has an outfit like that” or “that person looks like my ex” is a big red flag. You might need to spend a little more time single and healing before you start dating again. Some things just take time.
- Have bad food habits. I feel like a hypocrite writing about this one because I am probably one of the messiest eaters I know, but I love food! Try to eat proper but more specific things that annoy me kind of focus on how selfish I am when it comes to food. “Are you going to finish that?”- never ask me that, unless I offer you some, I want it. Do not, I repeat do not, take food off your date’s plate unless they offer. And this one I probably hate the most- when your date keeps insisting you try what they are having even after you said no thank AND they put it on your plate. I am not going to eat it still.
- Be arrogant. I think we think we have to try to prove ourselves to our dates that we are amazing. Sometimes I think this comes from insecurity. Newsflash- if you are amazing, we will see it. Talking about it or trying to prove it tends to lead us to believe you are not. One of my friends mentioned how she stated that she liked something and her date began quizzing her on it. Sometimes we are just trying to find common interests. People like to talk and hope to find someone they are compatible with- if you are making everything a competition and trying to one up your date, you may one up them but you’ll end up alone.
- Be a bad conversationalist. Kind of along the same lines of being arrogant, you should not be hogging the conversation. Stop talking about yourself and ask questions. Unless, of course, you are not interested in your date at all and simply want to highlight yourself. If you keep saying “I don’t know” a lot and don’t ask questions, you are kind of leaving your date with very little options. II know some people are better at this than others, but I honestly feel like this one should come naturally, though maybe a little awkward for some, if you are actually interested in the person.
- Constantly talk about the same people. Guys- it’s one thing to mention in passing something about your mom or your great relationship with her. But she should not have been the one that picked out and ironed your clothes… Enough said. Furthermore, for guys and girls- do not constantly talk about your friends that are of the opposite sex. Yes, we all have them but if they are all you talk about there may be a reason you are still single.
- Stay on your phone. I’ve been guilty of this before. It’s hard in today’s society when our phones contain so much power and the ability to occupy us for any one second of complete silence. But be engaged. You’d be surprised at what happens and what you think of when you put your phone down. And I’ve never been this bad, but one of my friends mentioned how his date kept checking her Facebook and even logged into her match.com profile to see if she had any messages. Yeaaaa, I don’t think that went anywhere.
- Have a bad appearance. I’m not talking about looks here but what you do with what you have. Ladies, dress like a lady for your date- not like you are trying to get every man’s attention in the room. Guys, put some effort into your appearance and don’t wear a hat- unless you are at a sporting event and then it’s okay. Everyone, comb your hair and brush your teeth. Also, please don’t pick anything while out- teeth, nose, whatever. Okay, thanks.
- Be rude and negative. Not just to me but to the people around us. People tend to put on their best behavior on the first date. Only someone really dumb would be rude to their date- not necessarily because they like their date but because they are wanting something from them. How people treat others that can’t do anything for them is a pretty good indication of how you will eventually be treated. Additionally, there are always going to be things that are depressing and sad happening in our world; the challenge is to find something positive and focusing on making things better. Negativity is contagious and most people don’t want to be around that. Also, don’t gossip or talk about others.
- Express wedding plans. If your date is super awesome, it’s okay to potentially think about the future but it’s ONE date. There is so much to still learn about them so keep it to yourself until you get to know each other a little more. Being a little too eager shows that you are impulsive and are led a little too much by your emotions. Don’t put too much pressure on them and give them at least a night’s sleep to process everything;-)
What are some of your first date pet peeves?
-the virgin heartbreaker